The Logical Song...

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
clinical, intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respecable, presentable, a vegtable!

At night, when all the world's asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

Ankle Displacement!! :D Woohooo

Quick Update...
Turned out the pain I was feeling since Tuesday before last was because some bony structure thing got pulled down causing a bit of an ankle displacement! Oh Hurraay.. Now I have the bright colored Kineseo tape up to just below my knee to support the anle in a dorsi-flexed position hoping it could go back... :D
After the initial panic, I started taking it hilariously!! If this doesn't get fixed I will be spending the whole feast holiday in bed in a night splint :) ... Not that I mind.. any rest for my poor feet and ankle are God-sent gift.

So I'm guessing that may be my ankle was feeling left out because I give all that much attention and care to the plantar area, so it wanted to get some attention? From now on I'll be fair, and let's declare this month 'Love Thy Ankle Month'!

The Freedom to Collapse

It’s finally Thursday and I’m finally home!
I’ve been counting the days since the beginning of the week, and the hours all day waiting for the moment when I’ll get home and become free. I’m now free to collapse into tears and experience the nervous breakdown I’ve been trying to delay all week long... I tried to stop the swirling down motion, but it seems the thoughts just keep getting darker and darker. The main thought that's creeping upon my head is to give up.. What's even the point...

Dust in The Wind - Kansas

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity

Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

[Now] Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.

Doctor Visit

I had the long-dreaded doctor's appointment today... After a lot of crying and screaming I just wanna say two things...

I'm praying for the day that trigger points and the problem they cause get acknowledged by the medical communit, thus the doctors would stop making up diseases they guess I might be having although evidence negate it... just because they can't imagine a muskulatory problem might cause all that trouble...

I'm praying for the day when sensitivity training becomes MANDATORY among these creatures... and those beings stop giving themselves the right to judge if I should be 'bothered' or not by my pain... If it's not the pain of whatever disease, then the pain of having to visit them is severe enough to 'bother' me

My physiotherapists are excluded, because they are genuinely great. I love them, they really help me.. I'm so glad they wear a color other than white!

What do you do when you just can't do it anymore...?
And having to keep on breathing starts to seem like one of the unnecessary formalities which you have been dropping out, one by one..

but what do you do about that one last formality...
It's just too painful...

Empty-shelled

I came across this quote in the lovely movie "Under the Tuscan Sun":

"You know when you come across one of those empty-shell people? And you think, “What the hell happened to you?"
Well, there came a time where they were at a crossroads... in each one of those lives, someplace where they had to decide to turn left or right… "

It got me thinking how I'm becoming one of those 'empty-shelled people', or is it just called depression in my case? The days I just don't wanna get out of bed, the nights I feel I just want to stop existing. I feel like I am losing the ability to enjoy, like or love... Things are turning to a meaningless shade of grey. Slowly but surely I am losing the capacity for any kind of positive emotion, and it's all getting replaced with bitterness and negativity that don't even know where to be directed, so they just linger inside of me until I am on the verge of suffocation. Am I now standing at a crossroads, where I have to turn left or right, but I am unable to move anywhere? and those walls just keep getting closer and closer... until they squeeze out whatever soul still left in me...