The Logical Song...

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
clinical, intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respecable, presentable, a vegtable!

At night, when all the world's asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

Ankle Displacement!! :D Woohooo

Quick Update...
Turned out the pain I was feeling since Tuesday before last was because some bony structure thing got pulled down causing a bit of an ankle displacement! Oh Hurraay.. Now I have the bright colored Kineseo tape up to just below my knee to support the anle in a dorsi-flexed position hoping it could go back... :D
After the initial panic, I started taking it hilariously!! If this doesn't get fixed I will be spending the whole feast holiday in bed in a night splint :) ... Not that I mind.. any rest for my poor feet and ankle are God-sent gift.

So I'm guessing that may be my ankle was feeling left out because I give all that much attention and care to the plantar area, so it wanted to get some attention? From now on I'll be fair, and let's declare this month 'Love Thy Ankle Month'!

The Freedom to Collapse

It’s finally Thursday and I’m finally home!
I’ve been counting the days since the beginning of the week, and the hours all day waiting for the moment when I’ll get home and become free. I’m now free to collapse into tears and experience the nervous breakdown I’ve been trying to delay all week long... I tried to stop the swirling down motion, but it seems the thoughts just keep getting darker and darker. The main thought that's creeping upon my head is to give up.. What's even the point...

Dust in The Wind - Kansas

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity

Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

[Now] Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.

Doctor Visit

I had the long-dreaded doctor's appointment today... After a lot of crying and screaming I just wanna say two things...

I'm praying for the day that trigger points and the problem they cause get acknowledged by the medical communit, thus the doctors would stop making up diseases they guess I might be having although evidence negate it... just because they can't imagine a muskulatory problem might cause all that trouble...

I'm praying for the day when sensitivity training becomes MANDATORY among these creatures... and those beings stop giving themselves the right to judge if I should be 'bothered' or not by my pain... If it's not the pain of whatever disease, then the pain of having to visit them is severe enough to 'bother' me

My physiotherapists are excluded, because they are genuinely great. I love them, they really help me.. I'm so glad they wear a color other than white!

What do you do when you just can't do it anymore...?
And having to keep on breathing starts to seem like one of the unnecessary formalities which you have been dropping out, one by one..

but what do you do about that one last formality...
It's just too painful...

Empty-shelled

I came across this quote in the lovely movie "Under the Tuscan Sun":

"You know when you come across one of those empty-shell people? And you think, “What the hell happened to you?"
Well, there came a time where they were at a crossroads... in each one of those lives, someplace where they had to decide to turn left or right… "

It got me thinking how I'm becoming one of those 'empty-shelled people', or is it just called depression in my case? The days I just don't wanna get out of bed, the nights I feel I just want to stop existing. I feel like I am losing the ability to enjoy, like or love... Things are turning to a meaningless shade of grey. Slowly but surely I am losing the capacity for any kind of positive emotion, and it's all getting replaced with bitterness and negativity that don't even know where to be directed, so they just linger inside of me until I am on the verge of suffocation. Am I now standing at a crossroads, where I have to turn left or right, but I am unable to move anywhere? and those walls just keep getting closer and closer... until they squeeze out whatever soul still left in me...

Memoirs of a Plantar Fasciitis Sufferer: 1

There are two things I need to highlight about me, which might've led to everything I'm suffering today. Sometimes I get over-excited, and overdo something I'm keen about. Second, it was one of my primary lessons playing sports (Swimming, then long distance running), that you won't get anywhere if you stopped everytime you got tired. In fact you have to go that extra mile after you feel you can't go any further, and that's the way you could beat your personal best. Of course they did not mean to do that when you have an injury, but I kinda took it to heart and applied it stupidly. Oh yeah, and the third is, I'm quite stubborn, unless someone convinces me, I just won't buy it and bide by the seemingly meaningless rules.

So there I was, having graduated I decided I need to get back to sports, which had taken a back seat during my college years. I tried to take it gradually, but apparently it wasn't 'gradual enough'. I was going to the gym, playing aerobics, swimming and jogging.. ooh the jogging... It wasn't a proper terrain and weren't proper shoes (Both I'd found out later). There is this walking track in Ahly club Nasr City, that has a tiled floor, which is not best suited for jogging apparently. Why did I run there instead of the regular running track? Well first I didn't know that back then the tiling was bad for my feet, plus the view is amaaazing. The track is built as a second floor to the swimming pools area, so you can see the water from up there, and there were roses on the two sides of the track, well the whole experience was amazing, better than jogging around the football track. It was Thursday, March the 31st, 2005, I was jogging, and then felt some paid along the medial arch and the ball of the foot. I didn't jog much longer, but I completed my scheduled excercises and went to the aerobics class.. The pain lingered.. I ignored. Two days afterwards I was a bit better, so I went jogging again. I found the same pain again. I tried tip-toeing, and found there was no pain then, so I tried to kinda tip-toe in my jog.. A VERY bad and stubborn decision. Two or three days later, I am limping, and I rush to the emergency in some hospital. The doctor tells me nothing is broken and I just need to stop jogging for two weeks.

Memoirs of a Plantar Fasciitis Sufferer: Introduction

It's been almost two years since I wrote anything on this blog. All my energy has been redirected from 'soul searching' to stark cold medical research abount Plantar Fasciitis. So I thought, may be I can talk about that now. May be anyone could benefit from my experience as a fellow sufferer. PF is challenging enough, but I gotta tell you, it's one thing to have PF in the US or Europe, and a totally different thing to have it in Egypt, where podiatrists are not heard of, nobody seems to have PF, and MANY orthopedics wouldn't acknowledge you have a case that needs treatment unless you get them an X-ray with a fractured bone. I mean, with all due respect, but you can always say you do not know, or you need more tests, or hand me over to another doctor. But invalidating my own feeling of pain by saying 'Ooh it's noting', and 'Oh you mean that thickening and tightening in this tendon over here, that's not even a real problem'... Well I tell you what, it is a problem, one that could've been there for four years plaguing my life, a problem that could've been treated since the very first year if any of you orthopedics I'd visited knew any better.