The Girl in the Iceberg: Loss

I remember, back due the end of 2004 when I decided I needed to do something about it all. One of the main things I needed to work on was mellowing down my self-sufficient independent attitude; I felt it wasn't really who I am, it wasn't originating from my core, but rather from an external shell created for self-protection. I hated weakness. I feared people's loss. I so feared being attached to people then getting separated from them. Instead of savoring every moment spent with the people I cared for I was so keen on making sure I am a fully operating unit on my own.. somehow. I was entangled in my fears. I did not realize for a while what I was missing out on or how it was hurting the people around me. I had just started realizing that, when a phase of starting to see my worst nightmares coming true began. Besides the natural expected step of getting separated from the college people, I lost someone very special. All the distance I was at did not make losing her feel any less painful. All the distance I was at from all the people close to me and her did not make my feeling their pain any less. Loss hurt all the same, even when you had been trying to avoid its bitterness all your life.